so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. For you know quite well that we are destined for them.

This past week was not my favorite at all. An apartment that I was hoping for fell through and my desire to live alone before I get married seems to becoming a fantasy. A church that loved my idea of a coffee shop decided to start one without me because they do not want to wait... I am thankful for putting up a boundary and choosing to not spend my first year of marriage starting a coffee shop that we are very ill-prepared for. Lastly, my fundraising is not going well and I seem to have lost my motivation to continue fundraising. I am out of people and people who seemed to commit are having trouble calling me back. So now I wrestle with getting a part time job and hoping I can use community building skills in a coffee shop environment (I have in fact always wanted to work at coffee shop and if I want to open one one day I need to start somewhere. 


To be honest, I spent most of the week being angry and not wanted to pursue God. Isolated and distracted myself. The reality is that in the past few months a lot of hurtful things have happened and the unfortunate thing is that most of the hurtful things have come from other Christians. I am praying for the strength to forgive some things and realizing I have hard time letting go. 


Now anger towards God is not necessary a bad thing because of sin this world is full of brokenness and broken promises. How do I deal with these things? How do I remain thankful in the midst of disappointment? How do I let go of what I want. 


At the height of my annoyance and anger the Lord gave me these verses 1 thes. 3:2-4 ² We sent Timothy, who is our brother and co-worker in God’s service in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, ³ so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. For you know quite well that we are destined for them. ⁴ In fact, when we were with you, we kept telling you that we would be persecuted. And it turned out that way, as you well know. 

The question is how to remain faithful with nothing in your life make sense. The Lord has stripped me away for 75% of the things that made me secure (community left, PTL!) I am learning what it like to completely be at the mercy of God. This week revealed to me that when a lot of things do not go my why, I lose faith in the whole process. I completely forgot how the Lord has provided for me throughout my whole life. My life is not over if I have to live another 6 months with a roommate and I am thankful St. Petersburg is advancing God's kingdom by opening a coffee shop. I am thankful that my voice sparked an interest and bless that. No matter what happens I want to hold true to my beliefs that God is close to the brokenhearted and that I am for God's kingdom and however that looks, I am for it.


OOOOOPS. 


The only guarantee in this life is Christ and because I am in ministry I think I deserve an easyness. The reality is that since of I have started this ministry I have been faced with a lot of shizzzzz and most of the chaos deal with my own sin. Christianity is based the belief that God has your best interest and he understands the sorrow way better than I do (Um...the cross). 


Oswald Chambers is not always spot on but today's post sums up my current state.

11

2012

Come to Me . . . —Matthew 11:28

Where sin and sorrow stops, and the song of the saint starts. Do I really want to get there? I can right now. The questions that truly matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by these words— “Come to Me.” Our Lord’s words are not, “Do this, or don’t do that,” but— “Come to me.” If I will simply come to Jesus, my real life will be brought into harmony with my real desires. I will actually cease from sin, and will find the song of the Lord beginning in my life.

Have you ever come to Jesus? Look at the stubbornness of your heart. You would rather do anything than this one simple childlike thing— “Come to Me.” (YUP THIS WAS EXACTLY TRUE) If you really want to experience ceasing from sin, you must come to Jesus.

Jesus Christ makes Himself the test to determine your genuineness. Look how He used the word come. At the most unexpected moments in your life there is this whisper of the Lord— “Come to Me,” and you are immediately drawn to Him (Saturday night, he whispered!) Personal contact with Jesus changes everything. Be “foolish” enough to come and commit yourself to what He says. The attitude necessary for you to come to Him is one where your will has made the determination to let go of everything and deliberately commit it all to Him.

“. . . and I will give you rest”— that is, “I will sustain you, causing you to stand firm.” He is not saying, “I will put you to bed, hold your hand, and sing you to sleep.” But, in essence, He is saying, “I will get you out of bed— out of your listlessness and exhaustion, and out of your condition of being half dead while you are still alive. I will penetrate you with the spirit of life, and you will be sustained by the perfection of vital activity.” Yet we become so weak and pitiful and talk about “suffering” the will of the Lord! Where is the majestic vitality and the power of the Son of God in that?

JunWhere sin and sorrow stops, and the song of the saint starts. Do I really want to get there? I can right now. The questions that truly matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by these words— “Come to Me.” Our Lord’s words are not, “Do this, or don’t do that,” but— “Come to me.” If I will simply come to Jesus, my real life will be brought into harmony with my real desires. I will actually cease from sin, and will find the song of the Lord beginning in my life.