God has given me time back. He has freed my schedule up so that I am available to those who need it. It has been a humbling experience and taking several months for me to come to terms with the face that my time is not my own. It never has been and it never will be. Because of this I am more aware of the things that are happening before me: I more available to pursue people harder, I more available to pray for those who mourn, I am more available to face my own emotions, and unfortunately I am more available to be hurt by those around. Most importantly though, I am available to do my one task that was asked of me...to remain in Christ always. Through this process of surrendering I am beginning to understand that God really is close to the brokenhearted because God is making me more and more aware of the brokennes around me. He has given me a burden for those around me, he has called me into entering the pain, into reestablishing friendships, taking risks to reach out to those who are difficult and he has called me embrace my own brokenness.
Now I will talk about some of my experiences in this season of being available. A lot of people ask me what the number one issue I see among the women that I encounter and it is the issue of not having community.
Recently, I discussed with a friend a phenomenon that is occurring around me. At least once a week, the Lord places someone on my heart to reach out to. It usually has been about 2-5 years since I have talked to the person. Initially we chit chat about random life occurrence then all of sudden the woman on the phone will open up about their life. They lack community, their relationship with the Lord is in shambles, and their jobs is nothing like they thought it would be. This actually happened last week and for the first time I just asked the person "why are you telling me all this because you did not have to."These conversation completely align with the ministry God has called me to do and I will admit that I immediately believe that I will be the one that reconciles them. I am called to listen, encourage, and guide these women. At the end of these phone calls I always suggest to talk regular and the person seems excited, but the weeks go by, I try texting or calling and we do not talk again. I can only help those who stay.
Now I know a struggle that I have is underestimating what God is doing in between things and underestimating the impact that one phone call had them. An earlier post describes how rarely my expecatation alight with the Lords. I also know that the Lord has called me to diligently prayer for these women because the Lord has turned my heart towards the brokenhearted.
Now I have no idea what the Lord is doing but it is clear that he is showing me the desperate need for community. He has given me clear examples of the downward spiral when someone steps out of it. He has given me a case study of why it is so hard to find and it is happening those around me.
I look forward to processing this more.
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