To have a better understanding of what this ministry is about and why I am passionate about it, Click on this link http://ge.tt/4KH7iUI/v/0

All I know is that my life has been dramatically different since I have taken a leap of faith and trusted God against all my understanding.
Despite not being fully-funded the Lord has met all of my needs the last 4 months. I have never felt so much freedom from my schedule and from money. The things that I currently rule my life go against everything I believe to be "safe" yet there is this unexplained peace that reigns. Philippains 4:7 conveys this: And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
It has led me to believe that the Holy Spirit reigns outside the lines of logic, but it impact and power cannot be ignored by one's logic.

God will show up when one seek his kingdom above all else


Oswald Chambers understands this.

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you —Matthew 6:33

When we look at these words of Jesus, we immediately find them to be the most revolutionary that human ears have ever heard. “. . . seek first the kingdom of God . . . .” Even the most spiritually-minded of us argue the exact opposite, saying, “But I must live; I must make a certain amount of money; I must be clothed; I must be fed.” The great concern of our lives is not the kingdom of God but how we are going to take care of ourselves to live. Jesus reversed the order by telling us to get the right relationship with God first, maintaining it as the primary concern of our lives, and never to place our concern on taking care of the other things of life.
“. . . do not worry about your life. . .” (Matthew 6:25). Our Lord pointed out that from His standpoint it is absolutely unreasonable for us to be anxious, worrying about how we will live. Jesus did not say that the person who takes no thought for anything in his life is blessed— no, that person is a fool. But Jesus did teach that His disciple must make his relationship with God the dominating focus of his life, and to be cautiously carefree about everything else in comparison to that. In essence, Jesus was saying, “Don’t make food and drink the controlling factor of your life, but be focused absolutely on God.” Some people are careless about what they eat and drink, and they suffer for it; they are careless about what they wear, having no business looking the way they do; they are careless with their earthly matters, and God holds them responsible. Jesus is saying that the greatest concern of life is to place our relationship with God first, and everything else second.
It is one of the most difficult, yet critical, disciplines of the Christian life to allow the Holy Spirit to bring us into absolute harmony with the teaching of Jesus in these verses.

I can only help if you stay, but you're not are you?

God has given me time back. He has freed my schedule up so that I am available to those who need it. It has been a humbling experience and taking several months for me to come to terms with the face that my time is not my own. It never has been and it never will be. Because of this I am more aware of the things that are happening before me: I more available to pursue people harder, I more available to pray for those who mourn, I am more available to face my own emotions, and unfortunately I am more available to be hurt by those around. Most importantly though, I am available to do my one task that was asked of me...to remain in Christ always. Through this process of surrendering I am beginning to understand that God really is close to the brokenhearted because God is making me more and more aware of the brokennes around me. He has given me a burden for those around me, he has called me into entering the pain, into reestablishing friendships, taking risks to reach out to those who are difficult and he has called me embrace my own brokenness.

Now I will talk about some of my experiences in this season of being available. A lot of people ask me what the number one issue I see among the women that I encounter and it is the issue of not having community.

Recently, I discussed with a friend a phenomenon that is occurring around me. At least once a week, the Lord places someone on my heart to reach out to. It usually has been about 2-5 years since I have talked to the person. Initially we chit chat about random life occurrence then all of sudden the woman on the phone will open up about their life. They lack community, their relationship with the Lord is in shambles, and their jobs is nothing like they thought it would be. This actually happened last week and for the first time I just asked the person "why are you telling me all this because you did not have to."These conversation completely align with the ministry God has called me to do and I will admit that I immediately believe that I will be the one that reconciles them. I am called to listen, encourage, and guide these women. At the end of these phone calls I always suggest to talk regular and the person seems excited, but the weeks go by, I try texting or calling and we do not talk again. I can only help those who stay.

Now I know a struggle that I have is underestimating what God is doing in between things and underestimating the impact that one phone call had them. An earlier post describes how rarely my expecatation alight with the Lords. I also know that the Lord has called me to diligently prayer for these women because the Lord has turned my heart towards the brokenhearted.


 Now I have no idea what the Lord is doing but it is clear that he is showing me the desperate need for community. He has given me clear examples of the downward spiral when someone steps out of it. He has given me a case study of why it is so hard to find and it is happening those around me.

I look forward to processing this more.

Apparently, I needed Him

15 months ago I was adamant about never getting married. I was independent woman who did not need a man. After experiencing the demolition of my parents marriage and seeing countless action films where the guy loses complete focus to save the girl (have you ever noticed how much destruction the hero creates in pursuit of the damsel in distress? Sometimes several hundred people die for her to be saved) Anyways, I was determined to never be controlled by a man. 15 months ago I was on a path,  a mission to be self-sustainable. No one but God had power in my life. Then I met Michael. I would say Michael blindsided me. When people ask what to do to meet men, I honestly say I do not know. I was not looking, I was not obsessing over anyone, I was not going to 34920349204 parties in order for someone to notice.  I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS! Also, I would like to add that sometimes we believe the lie that God is punishing us or we need to learn something before He will provide someone. I do not think it works that way. Dating should never be an idol or become safety net. Back to this story... I went to a party on Feb 16, 2011. I remember being annoyed because this party was very much out of my way (I have a thing about efficiency and I have to be efficient in my driving path) At this party Michael asked me for my number, I did not think much of it until I got home. I mentioned what happened and one of my roommates exploded with excitement. All of sudden she finds him on facebook and we look at every single picture he has. Her excitement did get me a tiny bit more excited. Then my other roommate who is dating Michael's roommate informed her boyfriend about the situation. Needless to say Michael called me shortly after that. We fell immediately madly in love and never had any problems. Now here we are engaged...the end.

HAHA!

Well, it was not that easy. Both Michael and I realized we had not dated in high school. A lot of guarded-ness had developed over the years and for me it was not easy to shut of my "independent I do not need anyone spirit" We both were set in our ways which we knew, but what we did not know is how selfish we both were. Now I do not want to speak for Michael, so I will just talk about my experience... To sum up the last 15 months is a self-righteous woman becoming very aware of her sinfulness specifically in area of pride and selfishness. Cary without Michael was rarely called out on her crap, she was great friend, loyal, trustworthy, great listener, intentional, affirming, but Cary with Michael was an absolute mess. Dating Michael brought out the underlining layers of these "good" qualities. He brought out my Hard hearted, controlling, selfishness, and my inflated ego. I did not want Michael to affect my emotions. Michael became my mirror which did not go over well. After much pushing and pulling I finally realized how much better life was with Michael. He slowed me down and made me feel more secure in who I am.His gentle and kindness slowly chipped away at my cold, black heart (dramatized). Michael is brave, patient, gentle man.

The reason I share this is because dating Michael has given me a better understanding of the Gospel.  For most of my life I have not understood grace and God's kindness. Kindness draws us in. Michael's kindness mirrored what God has been trying to show me for the past 25 years... God was not mad at me! I need to stop trying to please him! Christ died for that already! I do not deserve grace, there is nothing I can do to get, out of His kindness, love and mercy He has given it to me. God gave me a tangible example of the power of His love and for that I am thankful. Its transformative!

Another reason why I share this is dating should never be taken lightly or forced upon. Dating and marriage is hard work. Believe me I tried to break up with Michael 3 times. In the Christian culture is not much different than in the world. this pressure that there is something wrong with you if you are not dating. It seems to be the default conversation, "are you dating someone?" I am sorry but Jesus did not date! He was Jesus! I am sure Mary put pressure on him so she could have grand kids, but Jesus never allowed that to distract him. He never had to prove himself to anyone because his identity rested only in God. For marriage, I do not believe there is a formula, everyone's story is different. What I do know is that it is important to hold on to the promise of God's goodness. He has something beautiful planned and its way better than you expect.  

I remain confident of this:

    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait^(C) for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord. Psalms 27:13-14 (I am obsessed with this chapter)

Lastly, if the relationship is not helping you grow closer to God, its not worth it. Its that simple.

P.S. I love Michael but He aint perfect either. Yay for sanctification!